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Monday, June 15, 2015

Ambition

Bismillah,

Lama tak update hoho

Jadi kita cerita sikit la.

Dulu, bila saya kenal apa itu tarbiah,
saya ada satu cita cita.

Bila lepas PLKN,
saya masuk Lendu.
perkara pertama dalam lendu, saya cari usrah.

sebab lepas PLKN,
mana ada orang guide.
jadi orang cakap dengan saya,
"hang nak kuat dalam gerabak ni, hang kena jugak cari usrah."

bila masuk Lendu saya jumpa Usrah.
memang hebat lah usrah ni saya cakap,
if tak buat memang rindu.

bila dah setahun,
saya mula terima course yang saya ambil disebabkan saya di polish dalam usrah,
sebab cita cita dari sekolah nak jadi doctor.

saya pun tak faham mula mula kenapa saya tolak tawaran pergigian.
saya terima tesl ni hah.
setengah tahun belajar dalam tesl, saya still nak jadi doctor.
if orang kata bahasa mudahnya
"aku memang tak minat nak mengajaq"

tapi, benarlah orang kata.
hikmah tu akan muncul dari pelbagai arah.
dan belum tentu benda kita minat terbaik untuk kita.
saya nampak saya punya diri bila mengajar
di sebuah sekolah di Melaka.

bila jumpa dekat pekan Alor Gajah,
anak murid tegur. seronok jangan cakap.


satu hari, sahabat baik saya leen tanya saya.
beliau ambil medic jadi saya jealous la.

"Dengar dah ka pasal gaza?"

saya memang aware. tapi bantu ala kadar.
jadi
saya cakap dengan dia. kita ada misi besar ni.

'esok farah jadi cikgu, leen jadi doctor. leen rawat budak budak gaza, farah ajar budak budak gaza.'

itu cita cita kami. dia setuju.

tapi bila lihat education hari ini,
saya cakap dengan diri saya.
you need to do something about this.

jadi saya cuba faham apa yang kurang dengan budak budak ni.
acewah tengok diri sebenarnya sebab orang kata saya budak budak. Eh!

jadi daripada analysis saya,
saya ada satu lagi cita cita.

nak inspire others.

waktu mengajar dekat Melaka tu,

kami main game paper plane.
game ni dalam paper plane masing masing
mereka kena tulis cita cita mereka.
saya pun kena tulis sama.

jadi saya tulis 'to inspire others'

bila dah siap semua. semua orang kena terbangkan paper plane mereka.
dan semua bagitahu cita cita masing masing.

saya sangat terharu.
ada nak jadi doctor,
ada nak jadi engineer semua ada.

tiba tiba seorang student indian dapat kertas saya.

dia tengok saya.
dia kata "tengok teacher pun saya dah inspire."

saya gelak, budak ni nak buat pickup line letteww.

saya buat macam usrah. semua orang kena kenal masing masing dulu.
bila dah kenal baru dah cinta  tahu.

saya cerita macam macam dekat mereka.
macam mana life ni yang sebenar.

sebenarnya saya cerita macam mana saya dulu dekat plkn.
but basically tajuk dia "How God has changed someone's life?"
takdalah saya sebut nama saya. but the stories are real.

orang lain main game macam macam tepuk tepuk la apa lah.
tapi saya cakap dengan partner saya,
kita banyakkan mereka (students) ni berfikir.
jangan ikut yang lain.

jadi cerita punya cerita.
mata mereka berair.

saya tak tanya. sebab saya sangat faham satu perkara
"bila orang nak menangis ni toksah tanya satgi habis banjir."

seorang budak perempuan peluk saya.
jujur, saya sangat terkejut.

'thank you teacher'.

saya senyum.
bila nak balik tu.
saya asyik terima pelukan ni dari students haha

saya still tak faham.
saya cuma cakap yang Tuhan takkan burden kita dengan something yang tak mampu.
and saya hurai benda tu.
apa yang emotional nya? tanya saya. time tu la.

tiba tiba cikgu sekolah tu cerita dengan saya.
setiap yang peluk saya tu semuanya ada masalah keluarga.

lalu saya teringat satu cita cita student saya.
saya nak jadi doctor.
nak rawat orang.

saya tanya dengan cikgu tu.
and she told me his story.
where his mother sakit and all.

saya senyap.
saya pesan jangan nangis.

tapi bila dah peluk cikgu tu dan lecturer saya.
merembes air mata keluar.

bukan sebab apa,
sebab saya mula faham setiap senyuman yang mereka tunjuk.

symbol of hope.

saya beri number saya pada mereka.
mana lah tahu ada yang rindu saya. ahaha

dan lepas habis semua.
ramai yang text saya.

sampailah saya terima
satu message dari that Indian boy.
saying thank you and all.

dia pesan dengan saya keep spreading love and continue to inspire others.

saya tatap screen phone saya.

nak menangis rasa.

saya conclude, mungkin itu yang cikgu cikgu rasa.

and it's true, indeed He is the best Planner,
and He let us meet different people in our life,
to bring us closer to Him.
to make sujood and understand why He gave all these.

He made me understood that each of us do struggle everyday.

jadi itu ja.
kbye.

Pesan kak murni dengan saya,
hari hari kena cari sebab untuk jatuh cinta dengan Allah.

Lots of love,

Friday, September 26, 2014

Aku yang sebenar ?

Bismillah.

Melihat kelilingku mengajarku erti Islam yang sebenar.

Ada yang mengajarku soal pentingnya agama.

Ada yang mengajarku soal pentingnya berlapang dada.

Ada yang mengajarku erti mencari redha itu tidak semestinya hanya di tikar sejadah.

Ada yang mengajarku erti pentingnya sabar.

Ya, tempat baruku ternyata jauh sekali dengan tempat lamaku.

Environmentnya lebih kepada into a real world.

Ya, world.

Sungguh mengasyikkan bagi jiwa jiwa yang rapuh imannya.

Jujur kukatakan.

Setiap hari aku bermujahadah dengan diriku sendiri. 

Kerana apa.

Kerana aku juga manusia. 

Adakalanya mataku lansung tak dijaga, adakalanya hatiku turut direbak syaitan, adakalanya mulutku asyik bergelak ketawa, adakalanya tanganku bebas melakukan apa apa, adakalanya kakiku membawaku ke tempat tak sepatutnya dan macam macam lagi.

Ya. Itu aku.

Masih mencari redha Dia. 
Ku pohon rahmatNya.

Moga aku diberi hidayah melalui orang yang aku lihat, ketemu, dan begitulah sebaliknya moga aku juga merupakan salah seorang hambaNya yang terpilih untuk menjadi asbab orang lain kembali kepada fitrah.

Aku yang menulis, aku juga yang akan diuji. Moga Allah swt pelihara semuanya. ameen. 

Monday, September 22, 2014

Menjauh?

Bismillah.

Orang kata saya menjauh.
Iya ka?

Cuma Dia yang tahu bagaimana saya struggle dgn diri sendiri hari hari.

Ya.
Cuma Dia yang tahu. 

Friday, August 22, 2014

Kembali

Bila tengok kereta jenazah,
Hati rasa sayu yang amat.

Fikiran melilau cari matlamat
Mata tercari cari yang dirindui.

Diam.

ahhh.

Kembali kepada realiti.
Oh, mereka dah tiada.

Moga dipermudahkan urusan semuanya.

Welcome home fellow malaysians.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Bukan semua orang faham kita.

Bismillah.



Bukan semua orang faham kita.
kan?

Tapi...

Allah swt faham kita
kan?
ya.
Pandang kiri kanan.
sebab dari kecik lagi,
nak merasa kasih seorang ayah tu susah
tapi...
sebab ada ibu yang super awesome
boleh jadi dua; ibu dan ayah.
seronok.

emm... tapi
Bukan semua orang faham kita.
Sebab sebenarnya
Perasaan tu tak sama.

Tengok orang lain sibuk bermanja dengan ayah masing masing.
bergelak ketawa.
pergi masjid sama sama
menjual sama sama
jalan sama sama
diwalikan oleh ayah masing masing.
cemburu.

kadang kadang,
pernah jugak minta dekat Allah swt supaya bagi balik abah

sebab..
selalunya setiap kali solat abah ajak berjemaah sekali
selalunya pagi pagi abah hantar naik moto ke sekolah
bila lalu depan rumah cina tu ja mesti kena kejar anjing
waktu tu abah mesti bawa laju laju sambil gelak.
selalunya abah yang pergi tengok report card
lepas tu abah mesti senyum sebab abah dapat comment macam macam lawak la abah
selalunya abah yang prepare makanan lepas tu panggil kami anak anak belajar masak
sampai sekarang pun abah macam still alive

sebab ingat lagi bau abah mcm mna
tulisan abah macam mana
gelak macam mana
makanan abah mcm mna
cara abah baca Quran.
cara abah azan
lepas abah tak ada; macam mna life iqah turn upside down good to bad
Semua iqah ingat.

tapi...
bila depan mama
mana boleh nampak lemah lemah
sebab mama kuat dengan anak anak
bila pergi kubur mesti cover cun punya
sebab takut mama nampak kami sedih

tapi deep down inside
rasa sakit hanya Allah swt sahaja yang tahu
nak meraung semua ada tapi Allah swt mesti pimpin

sebab tu saya cakap Allah swt faham

sebab..
Dia akan heal kan dengan macam macam cara yang tak disangka.

Dari situ saya belajar,
Jangan pernah letak kebergantungan pada makhluk/hamba sebab tak ada siapa yang boleh faham kita
melainkan Dia.

and because of Him, I am still smiling :)

Lots of love,


Sunday, July 6, 2014

The more you know Allah swt, the more you feel taqwa.

Bismillah.

Do you believe them when they say writing is hard? Oh God. I believe them. It's just that... I keep writing on something but because my heart does not really in it, I guess it just hmm rubbish. so I deleted them. well you asked it.. Yeah, it's called "your mind is saying it but not your heart." That is what happening to me,lately. but I can handle them very well with His help.

so here it is! :) May this post will help you to gain your imaan even for a second.

It's Ramadan now, well yeah. Ramadan. A month you could grab your taqwa. You've heard it hundred times or million times people been talking about it. Wait. No. It's not just random people around you. It is in the Quran, man. The words come from Him, Allah swt. Taqwa is in your heart. The prophet Muhammad saw said "At-taqwa ha huna.." while pointing to his chest three times.

You need actions to gain taqwa. Not just words. really. He's there all the time, and this is it. Ramadan. your time to gain taqwa and know Him very very well. Not your bestfriend or someone else, but as your God. Your Creator. Ar-Rahman,Ar-Rahim, and yeah name it all. Though it would be tough, trust me. There will be miracles when you believe. Try and get closer to Him and you will find yourself giving up on everything and turn to Him. Then you will know that you are not living for nothing. but to worship Him. and it's worth it. After that you will start to realize that your heart is actually alive and thanks to Him you realize it just before your time. You could see world in different point of view. More freedom, fun, and yet you know it is temporary. You would want a place which is more fun than this world, so you are thinking?

Yes, there is one place. Jannah. This is the month you can get yourself in a high rank of Jannah. You probably will. When you look into your heart, you look around you, you see yourself smiling looking at happiness and you see Allah swt behind it, that's TAQWA. You would see poeple who gain taqwa, they are really really discipline or what should I describe it. their actions, their words. They took care of it.

Guess I am writing quite a lot here. Sorry. hehe but yeah, finally one done. Happy Ramadan :) May Allah swt bless us. ALWAYS. Selamat mengejar keampunanNya dan meraih Taqwa. Sama sama kita perbaiki diri dan seterusnya ubah dunia.

The more you know Allah swt, the more you feel taqwa is living in your heart.


Lots of love,



Monday, June 9, 2014

Inspiration

Bismillah.

How to start this?

It has been a few months or less before I could get myself ready to update this. I was pretty amazed of things that happened around me lately. It's not how you went through each phase but it's just that how I actually see He is with me all the time. let me share with you.

well, we are human. We are not perfect and for sure we learnt from our mistakes.

Frankly speaking, I was a little freaking out after I did not get medsi. I cried. well seriously,girls. I asked myself twice (I could not remember that) what is He trying to show me now? I called Aina and she asked to "bersangka baik" with Him. I said okay, I will do it. then my sisters said I should go and talk to Him. He knows the answers , they say. I said okay, I will do it.

It was 11.15pm when I took my wudhu' and tears came rolling to my cheeks as my knees touched the ground and my forehead touched the ground.  I did not remember what I was thinking at that time. But inside my mind, it was a clear vision. I told myself not to put my dreams inside my conversation with Him. I said again to myself that 'let Allah swt chooses the best for me.In shaa Allah. Bismillah.'
after I finished my prayer, I told Him everything, like seriously everything.It's like you are telling someone you really trust about your biggest secrets. I just did that.
and thanks to Him, the burden I actually held just now was finally pheww.

The next day, as I scrolled down my tumblr newsfeed, I saw something and just keep scrolling down without realizing the scrolling stopped at one picture with one sentence on it. I said okay. So what is this. I clicked on the picture and I saw

"Things happen for a reason, they really do."

It was just a sentence to certain people, but It was an answer for me. No, His answer. Thank you for answering my call.

What He did, He tried to make myself busy with activities.
First, I went to PWTC and working as a part-timer with an International company.I met random people and it was a remarkable experience. After I went back to Kedah, Leen called me and brought me to meet golongan "asnaf" :) Again, I learnt a lot. With them, I learnt to appreciate my life more. Thanks to Him. He always knows whats the best for us.

And again, He tests us. He made my sister went into an operation.and I have to take care of her. Again,He gave me more experience.
and not to forget, He made me stay away from my phone. :)

after hectic days, I start to realize that the days have ended and I am still smiling.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah swt.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Luahan hati pendosa.


Bismillah.

Pernah dengar orang bicara soal kematian?

.
..
...
....

Pernah dengar pula orang bicara yang kematian itu hampir?

.
..
...
....

Allah. sukar nak teruskan.


Dengan kekuatan yang diberikan melalui penulisan ini.
Izinkanku mengutarakan beberapa perkara.

Pertamanya,
kupinta agar dimaafkan segala kesilapanku.
Segala janji yang dibuat dengan kalian semasa zaman gelapku mohon dipadamkan.
Mohon dimaafkan.

Tak tertanggung rasanya.
Maafkan aku juga kerana dulunya ku biarkan saja kalian mengikut langkahku.
ah, maafkan aku.
berat rasanya.

Aku bimbang.
sangat khuatir.

lama aku duduk diam di kerusi.

lalu, dalam benak hati ini,
ah ditanya pelbagai soalan.

hati bertanya,
"Esok bila dah depan Allah swt, nak bagi hujah apa ni?"
"Redhakah Dia dengan aku?"
"Cukupkah aku bantu ummah?"
"Cukupkan sumbangan aku?"
"apa Dia terima taubat aku?"
"Apa Dia berpaling dari aku?"

aku diam.
ah.
Benar. Persediaanku belum rapi lagi meski hati ini meronta ingin bertemuNya.

setiap perkara yang aku lakukan,
setiap benda yang terlintas,
ah mana mungkin boleh lari dari pandanganNYA.

mana mungkin!
Tidak boleh sama sekali!

setiap detik ku fikirkan soal diri ini.
ibadahku bagaimana,
bekalan sudah cukup atau tidak.
semua soalan ini bermain di mindaku.
hari hari. sungguh ku katakan.
berat.

sungguh.
maafkan dosa dosaku dengan kalian.
maafkan aku juga kerana sedikit sebanyak menconteng arang pada iman kalian.
ah maafkan aku.

aku bersyukur masih dipilih oleh Dia untuk terus sujud menyembahNYA.

sungguh aku bersyukur.
kerana ketenangan itu hanya ada dengan Dia.

Allah.
peluklah hati ini seerat-eratnya.


Keduanya,
maafkan aku.

masih belum terdaya untuk memberikan nasihat disaat hati kalian inginkan kebenaran!
Maafkan aku sahabat.
sungguh.

tapi, sungguh aku katakan "Jangan pernah berputus asa dengan rahmatNYA".
Percayalah padaNYA.
kembalilah pada Allah swt.
Kembalilah.
kembalilah pada Al-Quran.
kembalilah pada RasulNYA.
kembalilah pada fitrahmu yang asal.

Ah. jujur kukatakan,
jauh di sudut hati ini,
ingin saja aku jerit kepadamu hari hari. "kembalilah."
tapi.
bila mana dibicarakan;
jawapan yang diberikan tetap sama.
"Relax la, jauh lagi ni. muda lagi."
"Alah farah, watlek sudah. tak payah la nak over sangat."
"eh Farah. buruk baju tu. tau la dah berubah pun tapi berfashion la sikit."
"Eh relax la iqah. kita bukannya buka aurat pun kan."

ah. jawapan kalian.
aku pinta.
betulkan.
bukan kerna aku baik.
tapi jawapan itu pernah aku gunakan suatu ketika dahulu.
dan sungguh. aku malu sebenarnya dengan Dia.
betapa Dia sudah berikan banyak hint tapi aku buat tak tahu ja --'

malu serious.
kerna itu bila mana melihat kalian seperti aku yang dulu,
aku jadi malu dengan diri sendiri.
tidak bergerak untuk menjalankan amanah yang diberikan Dia.

ah. maafkan aku.

sungguh.
kita ini harus saling ingat mengingati.
kerna dengan itu baru ummah membangun.

ketiganya,
aku hanya ingin redhaNYA.
dan aku juga ingin kalian raih sekali.
sama sama raih.

kerna menuju ke syurga kelak,
kita akan masuknya secara segerombolan.
berkumpulan kumpulan.

jadinya, jom la sekali!

aku pinta.
terimalah hidayah dariNYA.

rasai dahulu perasaan yang diberikan ini.

serious.
I cant put them in words or in ayat.
you have to feel it.

use your heart,sayang.

serious. serious.
tak main main.

Sekiranya tunggu saja diam tak buat apa terus mcm mna?
takkan selamanya nak duduk dalam linkungan tu?

percayalah.
bila mana Dia di dalam hati, yang lain akan kembali kepada tempat yang asal.
jaminan itu aku mampu jamin.

percayalah.

lots of love,
Farah.




Friday, April 11, 2014

Aku bukan sempurna.

Bismillah.

" Walau apapun caranya.
Aku tetap takkan mampu,
Menutup semua kekurangan,
Menghindar semua kelemahan,
yang telah sebati dalam diriku.
Aku bukan sempurna"



" Jika pandanganmu sudah tertutup pada sisi baik diriku,
dan jika pandanganmu hanya terarah pada kekuranganku,

Tidak,
Sedikitpun aku tidak akan menyalahkan dirimu,
kerana aku tahu Allah yang memegang seluruh hatimu.
Mungkin aku akan merasa pedih akan kehilangan,
Mungkin aku terlalu jahil memahami hikmah,
Namun aku amat yakin,
Melalui kehilangan,
Allah mengingatkanku pada pinjaman,
dan dengan melewati kehilangan,
perlahan-lahan Allah menyedarkan tentang kesempurnaanNya. "



via penulisbuta.

Moga Allah swt mengampuni apa yang tidak kalian tahu tentang diri ini. Ameen.

Lots of love,

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Petunjuk sebenar-benar petunjuk.

Bismillah. 




Allah swt. berikanku petunjuk sebenar benar petunjuk.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Typical actions kita haha


Bismillah.

So today I'm going to share with you one thing. acewah. one thing sangat.

Okay stay tuned.

okay first and foremost.

Well , no offends people out there. Cause all of us have done these ; 

 1) When we go to Masjid (Mosque), SUDDENLY wear something to cover their head.

Okay. It is good actually because we actually know that we are now entering the zone of good places. BUT we sure can think that Allah swt is everywhere, not just in Masjid? May Allah swt guides all of us. Ameen.


2) When we go to a person's house who is quite "alim", started to wear small things like socks and hand-socks

I am not telling you this to make you feel bad but it happens around us. Suddenly..
"Eh, hand-sock lebih ada dak?"
"Nak buat apa?"
"Wey nak pi rumah dia ni kena pakai tutup tutup sikit. alim oi."

Again. Allah swt is everywhere. 


3) When we meet a pious man (cliche), suddenly turn out to be so solehah. (seriously?)

Okay so this is the best part. Well, no.
"hang tau dak bla bla bla bla....(suddenly shut her mouth like seriously shut)"
"Dah kenapa tetiba diam? tak habis ckp lagi."
"Abang Muhammad (bukan nama sebenar) lalu oi."
"Oh, tu yang jadi solehah tu?"

Again. Allah swt is there in your heart. That is why for those girls out there, when choosing your partners, please ask those people around him about him. his characters. and everything. and for boys, do that also, why is it so? sebab..... Lelaki depan perempuan akan jadi sesoleh yang boleh, perempuan depan lelaki kan jadi sesolehah yang boleh. LOL. PU Rahmat said.


4) When me meet niqabis, or girls with long hijab( tudung labuh) suddenly stop doing the maksiat.

OKAY berjalan.... 
"Abang, jangan pegang la. depan orang ni hah."
"Alaaa macam tak biasa pegang tangan ja."
suddenly niqabis, perempuan tudung labuh, pemuda berjubah berkopiah lalu...

"eh, tadi cakap mcm tak biasa ni dah kenapa lepas? tak sayang ke?" (Perempuan mcm ni satu slap kot) lol
"Eh tak boleh tak boleh. malu oi. tu mcm malaikat lalu."

Again. Allah swt is everywhere. Fikirkan. Cari kembali fitrah diri sebenar.


5) When someone who is older ask us "Apa anak buat ni tengah tengah malam? Dengan anak dara orang ni nak oii."

"Pakcik ni sapa pakcik?"
"Orang biasa ja pakcik."
"So sekarang ni pakcik tu orang biasa ja, saya ni remaja pakcik. muda lagi."
"oh, okay okay remaja kan? oh ya la, awak nk start qiamullail dah kan? teruskan teruskan."
"Amboi pakcik. perli kasaq nampak?"

YES. memang nk perli pun --' Again. Allah swt is everywhere.

Maaf if ada yang trasa hati.
but these are the compilations of stories from my lecturers, friends and even from myself.
so no offended.

Let us be the true mukmin,
May Allah swt guides us :)

in shaa Allah Ameen :)

Allah swt ilhamkan saya :)


Bismillah.

Frankly speaking,
since I have woken up from a very long dream.

I discovered something about my own religion.
I started to feel the "nikmat" of Islam and Iman.

and He actually has been giving me a strong feeling of Love which I just discovered.
oh how I took it for granted.
Alhamdulillah thank you Allah swt for bringing me back to the straight path.
they say "Begitu indah macam mana Allah swt tarik dari lembah neraka ke kembali ke jalan Dia".

so the truth that He is everywhere, He is with me,
became more clear when He chose me to be in Lendu.

In Lendu,
I was taught about D&T (Dakwah&Tarbiyyah)
I was taught about my Creator and His Messenger,
I was taught about everything.

Allah thank you again.

Alhamdulillah ended my foundation with bless from Him.

when I came back,
He let me be with my mama ( alone)
because before I actually entered Lendu I told Him
that I was wondering when I actually could spend my time with mama.

and He gave me this moment.
oh from April to September.

and so I told Him.
"Take me back to you when mama really really redha with myself."

Because Ustaz Pahrol told us, the readers that Redha Allah swt itu terletak pada redha Ibu bapa.
so I was thinking if mama redha with me, there is a big possibility that He will redha with me.
Senyum.hehe

and today. 5/4/2014
in Arabian Mendy Restaurant,
mama looked at me. and said "Moga syurga buatmu."

I couldnt ask for more. I said to mama "Jazakillahu khair mama!"
in a very excited way. lol
and mama senyum.
and she said "Moga kita semua juga"
Allahumma Ameen.

and I asked her one question again,
actually two hehe

the first question was in the morning, the second one was in car,
the first one
" Ma, boleh jadi satu hari nanti Malaysia ni akan ada perang. who knows kan. Waktu tu, PM minta semua anak laki dan para suami keluar berperang. boleh tak if iqah nak ikut?"

and she looked at me again.
"Boleh! mama setuju ja. Iqah dapat syahid. who knows"

I SMILED! jazakillahu khairan kathir mama :)

the second one :

"Ma, sekiranya la kan. jangan marah pulak. Iqah nak join misi misi kemanusiaa ke Syria ka, mama okay ka?"

she looked at me again
"Okay sangat! Dapat syahid, who knows. I will be proud of you,"

mama.
I couldn't ask for more.
Allah,
berikan hidayahMu pada ibuku.
Ameen Allahumma Ameen.


Thursday, April 3, 2014

Jika Jodoh pasti bertemu kan!


Bismillah. 
Iya.
Diri ini masih bernyawa atas izinNya. Alhamdulillah.

Hari ini hati ini ingin bicara soal cinta. hikhik. 
(Boleh la masing masing ambil baldi dan muntah hijau secara berjemaah)

Allah. pegang hatiku erat erat agar tak jatuh dilumur dosa. 


Kamu di sana,

Allah swt hadirkan perasaan ini. 
Diuji di hati ini perasaan yang sukar untuk ditolak andai lemah.
Di saat hampir rebah,
Allah swt beri kekuatan untuk ku menolak jauh jauh perasaan ini.

Ku percaya pada Dia. 
Ku serahkan hati ini pada Dia untuk dipeluk seerat-eratnya.
agar dirimu juga tidak bisa tembus.

Jika Allah swt katakan ku bukan untukmu,
maka seribu kali mendekat pun, 
pasti jauh.
Jika Allah swt takdirkan ku milikmu,
maka seribu kali menjauh pun,
pasti dekat.

Sampai di sini.
Ku behenti berharap pada yang tak pasti.
Jika jodoh pasti bertemu. (cliche punya ayat.) 

Moga Allah swt peluk hati ini erat erat.

Moga ketemu di sorga! 



Lots of love,

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Pemilik hati.


Assalamu'alaikum and Bismillah.
May Allah swt bless.

It has been two months since I last posted.

How am I doing?
ALHAMDULILLAH. Im doing just fine :)

So Alhamdulillah,
In this second semester,
I was given a lot of chances to meet orang orang hebat.

New people,
New environment,
New experiences,
New perceptions.

and setiap dari apa yang berlaku,
orang yang I met,
experience yang I received,

gave impacts to my life.

INDEED,
setiap benda yang berlaku di sekeliling kita,
persekitaran kita, orang yang kita jumpa,
benda yang kita dengar dan benda yang kita lihat,
semuanya beri kesan kepada diri kita atau erti kata lain,
beri kesan pada daging yang satu ini :

Hati.
Qalbu.

Trust me, it will affect yourself.

Percaya statement ni?

Hati manusia itu Allah swt yang pegang.

If you asked me, I would probably say yes.
Sebab apa?

Sebab...
Even I myself won't believe it how I actually turn out to be this way despite of the fact that I was not like this before.

Manusia itu hatinya Allah swt yang pegang.
Bila mana timbulnya rasa

"Kenapa dia macam tu?"
"Dia tu macam dah takda harapan."
"Poyo nya buat mcm tu."
"Eei tolong la. tak takut Allah swt kah?"

Bersangka baiklah,
setiap orang itu fitrahnya inginkan kebaikan,
kita tidak tahu masa depan kita bagaimana,
and even kita tak tahu masa depan dia mcm mna.

but kita suka judge dia as in kita ni Tuhan.

Allah swt itu yang memberi hidayah.
Bila mana Allah swt kehendaki orang itu dapat hidayah,
tiada mana mana tangan yang boleh halang.
termasuklah kita.

Percayalah.
Hati itu Allah swt pegang.

Ada masalah apa sekalipun,
even dengan sahabat seperjuangan,
what can you do?

doa.

Doa itu satu connection yang sangat kuat dengan Allah swt.
Doa itu penghubung lansung atau live dengan Allah swt.

Meskipun consult dengan sahabat yang lain itu baik,
tapi...
percayalah.

Hati itu Allah swt pegang.
Ketenangan itu Allah swt yang beri.

Berdoa pada Dia.
He has that cure.

semuanya Dia tahu macam mana nak cure.
kerana apa?

kerana Dia..

Pemilik hati.


Lots of love,


Thursday, January 2, 2014

Kahwin.

Bismillah.

These few days mcm we were discussing a lot pasal kahwin.

Kahwin.
Mama told the procedure.
Mama told the responsibilities.
Ina started to share her friend's experienced.

Ketidakfahaman berlaku.

mama kata cenggini "Ada masuk minang, okay ja."

eh, tetiba?

Motif? Ketidak ketahuan.

Syukur dan saya.

Bismillah.

3 days to go.
Malacca, Im coming. T_T

Yesterday, eh no. its already 12.30am. so two days ago.
We went to abang's school for his registration.

oh he's 15 years old this year. besaq dah.

So I met random people on that day. and I became an observer, looking at other people as if I am a spy.

We spent over a thousand for abang's school fees, which made me surprised..

Well Im not saying my former school yuran tak mahal. haha
but It makes me think a lot on that day. seriously.

Because of that "observer" thingie,
I questioned my sister, how about those family yg tak cukup duit nak bayar?

Then she said yeah the same question was playing in her mind.

We then entered abang's class to pay for his tuition's fee, and I met a mother of 6 children.

Well, She smiled at us, and she sat with us. We calculated money together gether la sebab macam ada slight problem dkt calculation. then she said to me

"Jenuh nak mengorek duit nk baya yuran ni."
(I guess she's a Kelantanese because of her slang.)

she then told me a very meaningful story.
So she was a teacher at a new school and was handling the last class for standard one and two students. Well it's quite interesting to be teaching primary students. (Ah tak sabaq nak jadi cikgu.)

I heard she mengeluh, and then I asked her why? she continued her story, she said yesterday was the registration for her standard 2 class. and as expected; she said she became a form class teacher for the last class.

She told me most of her students having a problem in their family,
to make it short let us say : broken family.

So she told me their main problem,

FINANCIAL problem.

She said she knew that their parents did not have money but somehow they should know their kids are gaining knowledge, searching new knowledge atau erti kata lain menuntut ilmu?
Ada yang tak bayar yuran lagi untuk tahun satu yang lepas, so she said mcm mna la nak berkat.

And most of the parents tak begitu prihatin dekat anak anak,
and I could see her eyes got blurrryyyyyy with tears. but she tahan.

The word "Kesian" di mentioned kan banyak kali from her.

I cannot say anything. But somehow I learned something.

Grateful.

Bersyukur banyak. Alhamdulillah.

but somehow sedikit terpukul, sebab Im a very materialistic person,
demand terlebih.

so I somehow mcm grateful dekat situ saja. Masuk kereta I acted like I forgot everything I heard.
But Allah swt helped me by setting up a date for me to meet this one pakcik at a night market,

he was sitting there, waiting for customers.

Payung apa pun takda. just motosikal and diri dia.

I guess because Im a girl kot,
so I easily touched when I see this group of people.

So we went to him and he stood up straight quickly welcoming us,
terharu sangat.
Dia jual keropok 20 sen and air kotak soya only RM 1.
I couldnt tell my tears not to come out.

So we ambik banyak banyak because lagipun dekat my house dah habis.

And bila bayar, we saw his hands were shaking. I mean extremely shaking.

Rupanya,Pakcik tu tak berapa sihat. Allah uji dia dalam keadaan itu.

What I remembered about him "Minta maaf la, ni depa la ni ikat, pakcik tak boleh nak ikat. tangan pakcik sakit."

Ah. Perjumpaan ini sangat sangat mengajarku erti SYUKUR.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

Allah swt bagi ujian pada guru tadi dengan cara begitu,
Allah swt bagi ujian pada murid murid tadi tidak kira usia,
Allah swt beri ujian pada parents tadi dari segi kewangan,
Allah swt beri ujian pada pakcik tadi melalui sakit.

Dan Allah swt beri ujian pada Farah melalui material.

Yes.
Now, erti syukur tu jelas kelihatan.

Allah swt MURABBI paling agung pernah Farah jumpa.

Clear enough to teach me.
Clear enough.

In two days, I met random people with random stories but the main points were still the same : syukur.

He planned for me this.
Alhamdulillah.
Terima kasih Allah.

I wanna tell Rasulullah saw later that you tegur me in this beautiful way :)

Ah tak sabarnya nak jumpa.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Gadis asing dan saya.

Bismillah.

Ha! 
Now Im currently at home. 
Sem break. hihi



So basically.
I saw a girl.



A girl who stays in front of my room. (the girl infrontofdoor.Lol)
We never talked to each other.  
I just knew that she's taking the same foundation programme with me and she's from another class.


So my first impression towards this girl. I could never express it in a good way I guess. my bad.
Im sorry. Its not that I feel Im a good person. Oh a BIG no. its just I feel you shouldnt be doing all that stuffs.

One day.
Allah swt gave me a chance to smile at her, talk to her, and laugh with her. she's my leader for my level. she's a good leader. Seriously.

Another day.
My roommate and I, both of us were talking about our assignments and stuffs, suddenly we saw a lizard! Hah apa lagi. Menjerit la dua dua orang.
So we HAVE to seek help from others. dengan muka tak malunya,
I knocked her door, and told her to help us. muka mmg nak menangis dah. cicak punya pasal --'
She managed to halau the lizard. Alhamdulillah. So we thanked her. And she left. and then, we didnt close our door because hehe takut cicak muncul. so boleh lari.

But. after Maghrib prayer. She came to my room. She looked at my old pictures.
She started to tell me her stories.

Allahu. I just love what HE had planned for me.
Allah swt gave me another chance to listen to her problems,
Allah swt pertemukan kami atas sebab yang satu. Mencari redha Dia.

She's searching for Him and so am I.
She said to me,
"I jealous sebenarnya dengan you guys. You guys mcm happy and everything." and mcm mcm lagi.

She told me about herself. I was about to cry but I tahan because if dua dua nangis mcm pelik ja --'
And then. she said thank you for listening and left my room.
After she went out. I just felt something.
and that something is...

Sometimes you are trying to preach unknown people, but the one that stands in front of you, you neglect her.

Sometimes Allah swt put you in that state so that you build your inner strength that ties with Him.

Sometimes Allah swt didnt grant your wishes because He has  something better for you.

Sometimes Allah swt wants you to help others who are searching for Him and tell those people His Rahmat is still there.

Sometimes Allah swt tests you so that you stay husnuzon at all the time.

and its true when they say

"Everybody saw her drowning, but nobody saw her struggle."

Indeed. Boleh jadi sekiranya Allah tak pertemukan kami,
selamanya la saya tengok dia pelik. 

Perancangan Dia hebat,
Seolah olah melihat diriku kembali.

saya berusaha. rupanya gadis ini juga berusaha.

sebelum dia dan saya ke tempat yang sama,
meeting faculty. 
dia datang bilik. dia salam farah dan genggaman dia kemas sekali,
she looked me in the eyes and said 

"You need to help me okay!"

ayat tu, I used to say to a friend of mine.
and now ayat itu kembali to me .

What can I say? I will help you.
I will. In shaa Allah.

because I want you to have the same feelings when He gave me a new heart. a new life. new friends.

and lillahi ta'ala. Moga ketemu di syurga! 

ah bahagianya.
Moga gadis itu qawiy selalu.

Ihsan namanya. 

"Ihsan, I love you lillahi ta'ala. Dont worry, Allah swt still pandang kita ! "

Moga Allah redha,
amin.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Bila yang jauh datang mendekat?

Bismillah,

3 minggu berada di bumi Melaka ini,
ku belajar pelbagai perkara.

Marah.
Kasih sayang.
Sabar.
Belas kasihan.
Syukur.
Qawiy.

dan sebagainya.

nak meng-digest perkara yang dipelajari.
Allahu.

orang kata dekat saya
"Theres no point if tulis, berckp but tak buat pun."

Maaf.
saya bukannya sempurna.

Boleh jadi Allah dah buka aib saya kepada anda anda.

Tapi..
Islam ada mengajar saya beberapa perkara yang saya
kagum.

Boleh jadi sekiranya hari ini saya tidak berkongsi ilmu yang saya dapat hari demi hari kepada orang lain even sedikit ilmunya,

Bila mana kebenaran akan tertegak?

Bila yang jauh kembali mendekat?
Bila yang sudah menjauh berbatu kembali merangkak?
Bila yang hatinya keras lalu lembut?
Bila yang ilmu tentang Allah itu akan tersebar?
Bila akan wujudnya golongan yang FAHAM agama?
Bila dan Bila?

Itu sebab bila ada ilmu, berkongsi. dan kongsi.

Murabbi saya kata
"Bila kita ni kekadang ckp ja tapi kita tak buat pun.jangan risau Allah akan bantu kita untuk amalkan juga benda tu."

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Kerana aku...

Bismillah.

Kerana aku pernah berada di situasi itu,
Maka aku pilu setiap kali melihat kamu.

Kerana aku pernah merasai perasaan marah itu,
Maka aku tersenyum melihat kamu.

Kerana aku pernah gagal ketika dulu,
Maka aku mengambil semangat kamu sebagai contoh.

Kerana aku pernah merasai pahitnya apabila hati tidak tenang,
Maka aku berlapang dada.

Kerana aku telah melalui pelbagai ujian,
Maka hari ini kamu melihat aku tersenyum.

Minta maaf andai kamu tersalah faham.

Im not perfect. Because Im a slave.

bila namanya hamba.
layak diuji.

That is why, sometimes I act weird in front of you.

Because Im still learning .

To control my anger.
To control my moody face.
To control my mimik muka --

If you think, the way I acted out,
buatkan kamu terasa.

Maaf.
bukan niat.

I'll try my best.
Because Im one of His 'abid and khalifah.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Ayahnya Islam ibunya Iman

Bismillah.

Alhamdulillah.

Kita masih kuat dengan rantai iman yang mengunci persaudaraan ini.

Jazakillahu khair Dr.Adilah sebab pass around the PDF File for "Dalam Dekapan Dakwah".

Da'wah dan ukhwah.
semuanya berasaskan cinta.

Cinta yang senasab.

Ayahnya Islam.
Ibunya Iman.

Lalu,
Mereka membuat satu janji,
untuk terus kuat dalam jalanNya ini.

Untuk menyebarkan kebaikan,
Yang bagi mereka,
Syurga itu layak untuk semua.

Mereka mengambil contoh ukhwah yang ditunjuk manusia sempurna,
Muhammad saw.

Hebat.
Mereka jadikan dalam diri mereka azam,
Untuk jadikan ukhwah ini sebagai saksi bahawa ikrar mereka sama,
akidah mereka itu satu,

Mereka bersama sama menjadi yang terbaik.

Itu ukhwah.
Itu da'wah.

Mengambil di langit
lalu ditebarkan di bumi.
Oh indahnya.